Author Topic: Things monsters would say!  (Read 18081 times)


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 99
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
    • Email
Things monsters would say!
« on: July 21, 2009, 07:15:54 PM »
As the title says, "Things monsters would say". Let's get our creative juices flowing and let's make our dungeons more atmospheric and our monsters more realistic!

I'll start with a few:

"I want to stab you in the head"
"You'll make a tasty stew"
"mine! all mine!"
"I won't let you steal my treasure!"
"I'll stick you full of arrows like a porcupine"


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 55
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
    • CyberRogue
    • Email
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2009, 07:39:05 PM »
For want of not being cliched enough...

"Myyyyy precious"
"Get orf my grass!"

And seriously...

"Your guts will make a nice trophy!"
"I will hunt you until the end of time" (useful for those "immortal" uniques)
"Your life will be a misery - those seconds you have left"
"<insert name here> smash!" (and variations; bash, destroy, etc.)
"Don't hurt me!" (for those who try and stay away)
"GRRRRAAAAAGH!" (and variations)
"Leth ta'kar fron kalath!" (random "foreign" language)
Duct tape is like the Force - it has a Dark side, a Light side, and it holds the Universe together.


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 700
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • SewerJack Extraordinaire
    • View Profile
    • Demise RogueLike Games
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2009, 12:12:08 AM »
This is my code from 4 years ago.

I like  "Meat's back on the menu tonight, boys." the best.

//random battle speech
   "Ya gunna die now.",
   "Yer dead!",
   "Time to end dis.",
   "Got ya now.",

//HOSTILE SPEECH when monster turns to hostile
   "Over 'ere. ",
   "Adventures, ha!",
   "Fought me smelled somefink.",
   "Me bash you now.",
   "Me bash you good.",
   "Yer a scrawny runt.",

   "You look like fun!",
   "Want to play?",
   "He he",
   "Lets see if it bleeds",

//intelligent speech
   "Hey you!",
   "What have we here?",
   "You are a fool.",
   "Who are you?.",
   "Another hero!",

//archer speech
   "Duck, ha ha.",
   "Dogde dis.",
   "First come, first skewered.",
   "Say hello to my little pointy fiends.",
   "Stick around, eh.",

   "I have been expecting you.",
   "You sure took your time getting here!",
   "I expected you to be somewhat bigger, oh well.",

//orc captain
   "More meat for the Butcher.",
//boathouse keeper
   "You killed my dawg!",
   "Meat's back on the menu tonight, boys.",

//TAUNT SPEECH - on hit
   "Duck, ha ha.",
   "I see ya met one on me friends.",

   "Dont kill me.",
   "Run you fools!",
corremn's Roguelikes. To admit defeat is to blaspheme against the Emperor.  Warhammer 40000 the Roguelike


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 201
  • Karma: +1/-1
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2009, 04:36:19 AM »
This thread shouldn't die so...

"Oi my eye!"
"You're a sneaky little blighter aren't ya?"
"Arm yourselves!"
"So Bert and I were...did you hear that?"
"I remember you!"


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 805
  • Karma: +2/-0
  • Original Discriminating Buffalo Man
    • View Profile
    • Land of Strangers
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2009, 11:27:05 AM »
Here is my list of random chitchat from humanoids (for variety, I always string two random lines together, resulting in stuff like: "Take only salt and water as food. I am looking to see where you throw up." (almost makes sense) and: "Where are the fish? Very well." (utter hogwash)) For taunting and hostile speech, I'd probably lift some lines from Shakespeare ("Draw blank, you rascal!") and Rabelais ("I'll make you skin the fox!"). Anyway, I've no list of hostile speech bubbles compiled yet, so I submit this one instead:

    "every day I want to get on my camel and ride!",
    "nothing is funnier than unhappiness.",
    "You're new here, aren't you?",
    "I am running for prime minister!",
    "(weeps with gratitude to God for not making me hideous as a toad.)",
    "I'd rather not!",
    "it is for the best ...",
    "I am going to sow salt.",
    "I have thought of the same thing, too.",
    "it is better that they speak ill of me on an empty stomach than on a full one.",
    "the wound has healed, but the pain of harsh words still remains.",
    "if I had one and got two more, I should have three.",
    "I must run through the village a couple times more.",
    "in the morning I take a drink of rum and afterwards four or five little drinks.",
    "so am I; let's have a drink.",
    "I appeal!",
    "you soon will see ...",
    "what is the life of man?",
    "pure butter!",
    "now the devil has him.",
    "did I say that?",
    "fat or lean, here he is!",
    "don't eat too greedily.",
    "cannibalism is out of vogue.",
    "pay your old debts.",
    "I can't hear you.",
    "he has performed no new miracles.",
    "I've performed some new miracles since last.",
    "clothes are being auctioned off in Hell.",
    "that is a lie.",
    "I have no time to lie today.",
    "the sea has burned up.",
    "and many fried fishes.",
    "how fat you are!",
    "I ate the porridge, the bowl, and the ladle.",
    "good morning.",
    "why are you up so early?",
    "the fat cat.",
    "we three.",
    "for gold.",
    "that's right.",
    "ah, me.",
    "did you know?",
    "very well.",
    "i went out to get a breath of air.",
    "shall we fall, or shall we not?",
    "don't you know the custom?",
    "sell my golden teeth and pay me a decent burial.",
    "I shall soon be a hundred years old.",
    "I have seen the forest grow up three times.",
    "ho, ho, ho! My Daddy's come!",
    "if a long beard indicates sanctity, the goat is a saint.",
    "just wait till I get fat.",
    "it is now too late to think of God.",
    "why do you glare so?",
    "I am looking to see where you throw up.",
    "whoever would tell the truth now, is likely to have his head smashed.",
    "what is the sense in that?",
    "I am just thinking, that on earth there are more crooked trees than straight ones ... more hills than plains ... more water than land ...",
    "I have no care.",
    "what is the difference between you and an ass?",
    "what is the difference between you and a cushion?",
    "thank you.",
    "never wager more than a groat.",
    "never greet anyone.",
    "always wear new shoes.",
    "have a black look.",
    "have a nice day.",
    "bite the ear.",
    "bite the hand that feeds you.",
    "if you have to go to a prostitute, go early in the morning.",
    "when you go to the market, eat your breakfast first.",
    "never plant a thorny tree.",
    "a mother should always check and never forgive.",
    "a father should never check and always forgive.",
    "take only salt and water as food.",
    "not too long and not too short.",
    "so don't draw your sword against the innocent.",
    "do not make a horse run down hill.",
    "don't be too greedy in making a trade.",
    "don't keep bad company.",
    "move stool before sitting on it.",
    "when in a strange place, look around you.",
    "he will even claim that I am wearing his coat.",
    "do not travel without money.",
    "don't require honor from a strange country.",
    "the wolves are coming!",
    "return my ass, I shall return your money.",
    "it is dog's dung.",
    "thank God they weren't peaches!",
    "I sold them as they run; and they're running.",
    "Get out of my tobacco!",
    "drink up the river, you shall then have fish.",
    "all the fishes are mine!",
    "come back tomorrow.",
    "those others did it!",
    "never mind the fly, guard against the cow.",
    "what a course bundle of flax.",
    "and they cut one ear off!",
    "and they gave him a box on the ear.",
    "consumatus es.",
    "that patch is mine.",
    "those are the dirty clothes I've been washing.",
    "soak me in the pond, so that I will be juicy.",
    "do your worst, only don't throw me over the fence.",
    "don't eat your nephews.",
    "have you seen such a one?",
    "get the stick.",
    "show me how.",
    "I don't believe you have a gold coin.",
    "that is the first.",
    "who are you?",
    "I am a miserable hog.",
    "my father stole the priest's cow.",
    "I will do nothing of the kind.",
    "bear the ordeal in peace.",
    "hit them if they wander.",
    "had you denied it, I would have killed you.",
    "the dogs have not heard of the new law.",
    "shoot any thief who comes!",
    "I have poor eyesight.",
    "you take one and I'll manage the rest.",
    "dogs are chasing you.",
    "is the big cat still living?",
    "why not the whole forest?",
    "now you do the same thing.",
    "surely you jest.",
    "a country not examined in disguise will always be ruined.",
    "shall I throw this fellow down stairs?",
    "all of these are mine.",
    "poor crabs!",
    "alas, poor Jorick.",
    "do not trust the over-holy.",
    "fame is more enduring than life.",
    "my mother was a throughbred horse.",
    "my father was a miserable ass.",
    "may the devil take me.",
    "devil whet my scythe!",
    "if you wish to hang yourself, yonder tree seems fitting.",
    "may your bread turn to stones!",
    "may you always be eating!",
    "I have already waited for you here three days.",
    "do not act when angry.",
    "whoever eats this mushroom.",
    "that's the one I'll marry!",
    "what is this, a log?",
    "do not prolong a friendly visit.",
    "consider the end.",
    "a poor slobbering fellow.",
    "in a moment I should have confessed all.",
    "every step will remind you of your virtue.",
    "I won't need money then, but I could use some now.",
    "pay me back when you become arch bishop.",
    "you are mine, and I am yours.",
    "where are the fish?",
    "what fish?",
    "pound him well.",
    "I am a terrible sinner.",
    "I intend to go there myself as soon as I get well again.",
    "I'd take a camel over a horse any day.",
    "what is whiter than a swan?",
    "what is swifter than a bird, the wind or lightning?",
    "what is the sweetest song?",
    "what is best?",
    "what is softest?",
    "what is dearer than gold?",
    "monsters, eh?",
    "no need to worry about my hygiene.",
    "I bathed this morning, and used enough cologne for a horse.",
    "I should be running this place!",
    "is that so?",
    "you rascal!",
    "draw blank!",
    "I'll make you skin the fox!",
    "that's what you think.",
    "what, then, is life?",
    "I grant you that.",
    "a mother's kiss.",
    "what is the hardest thing to hold?",
    "a snake by the tail.",
    "a wolf by the eyebrows.",
    "what is the best fowl?",
    "a goose.",
    "what is the hardest to skin?",
    "the male member.",
    "who are the best painters?",
    "what is the best time to eat?",
    "a bald-headed daughter!",
    "a wood-pecker.",
    "also: a tin tear drop.",
    "that was the second.",
    "ring it, swing it!",
    "break the janglers, make fire flies!",
    "it will break its neck.",
    "now there's a nice surprise.",
    "I'd forgotten I even had one.",
    "the stupefaction of the penis ...",
    "but first: breakfast.",
    "what's for lunch?",
    "what is softest for wiping you arse?",
    "a mailed gauntlet.",
    "a barrister's wig.",
    "a downy goose.",
    "a woman's handkerchief.",
    "about five o'clock, when you start broiling things for dinner.",
    "is that what you heard?",
    "I have no time to lie today!",
    "I dreamt I found a treasure, and marked the spot with my excrements."

As always,
« Last Edit: July 23, 2009, 11:34:42 AM by AgingMinotaur »
This matir, as laborintus, Dedalus hous, hath many halkes and hurnes ... wyndynges and wrynkelynges.


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ <( !@#$ THIS, I'M OUT. )
    • View Profile
    • Not Quite ADoM
    • Email
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2009, 08:16:43 AM »
Well this isnt for monsters, but here are some my human NPC responses, picked randomly depending on what that NPC thinks of you. The mean ones are funnier.
I like "Shall I throw you down the stairs?" and "See that lion den over there? Go jump in it." best. xD

//Human Hated Responses
Get away from me.
You waste my time.
I have no time for you.
I'm busy, go rot.
I hope you like hell.
I thought I smelled something.
Devils servant, you are.
You need ministry.
Off to the boneyard with you.
The pulse of your evil is known.
You are death itself.
I'm going to kill you.
How heavy weighs your conscience?

//Human Disgusted responses
You are the scum of the earth.
I hope you rot in hell.
I have not a word to speak to you.
You dare show your face around here?
You are a putrid waste of space.
See that lion den over there? Go jump in it.
I have better things to do than talk to you.
The devil himself has you.
The sea burns up in your presence.
I've never seen such a one.
Had we met elsewhere, I'd have killed you by now.
You smell of the sewers.
You smell of dead flesh.
Youre stench matches your reputation.
Shall I throw you down the stairs?

//Human Unfriendly responses
I really don't like you.
What do you want?
Ugh. You again?
Why do you bother me?
Can I help you? I hope not.
You lost yourself along the way.
Good God.
Just fake it if you're out of direction.
You are such a hypocrite.
You're fat.
You stink.
You need a mint.. Or ten.
Please just leave.
Go bug someone else.

//Low neutral
Can I help you?
Make it quick.
What do you want?
What do you need?
You asking me?
Yeah, I guess I have time.
I have places to be, make it fast.
Need something?
I guess I'm here anyway.
I have one open ear.
I'm not doing any favors, but I'll listen.

//High neutral
Sure, whatsup?
What do 'ya need?
I can listen.
What's needed?
How are you?
You need a favor?
Do you need something?
I have time.
Sure, I guess I can help.
Let's chat.

Hey, whatsup?
Hey friend!
Hey buddy!
Long time, no chat.
Need some help?
Need a favor?
Of course I have time.
For you? Sure.
Of course!
Howdy! Haha.
How are you today?
Its nice out today, huh?
Ya know, I don't usually chat with most people.
Check out my blog at !


  • Rogueliker
  • ***
  • Posts: 424
  • Karma: +1/-1
  • Idea archivist and game tinkerer.
    • View Profile
    • Gedankenweber Blog (German)
Re: Things monsters would say!
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2009, 08:32:41 AM »
Maybe monster should not only speak, but have some "moves", too?

The janitor orc raises an eyebrow as he notices your dirty boots and wields the broom, threatening to bash you, "I have been cleaning here all day, and you scum of human ruin my hard work!"

The goblin shootist juggles a few iron shots in his left hand, and waves his sling at you, "Hey, coming for more bruises today?"

The floor mimic who was sleeping off a serious hangover awakens with a squeak as you step onto it, "Ow. Too much party yesterday, and now even that. Oh, you adventurers, can't you just stay home!?"

The lists above are impressive for sure :) I might steal a line or two  ;D
« Last Edit: October 01, 2009, 08:34:39 AM by Hajo »